I have composed a list of some of the funniest questions submitted by users. Most of these are from my own experiences, the rest are from other support communities. Its nice to know I am not the only one that has to answer these questions.

Enjoy our list of the top 10

1. Where is the “any” key?

2.Does Windows 98 support Linux?”

3.How much does Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?

4.You said I would get 98 windows with this computer. Where are they?

5.Support: “Tell me, is the cursor still there?”
Customer: “No, I’m alone right now.”

6.Support: “Ok, ma’am, do you see the button on the right hand side of your mouse?”
Customer: “No, there’s a printer and a phone on the right hand side of my mouse.”

7.Customer: “Someone was just here working at my home and now I cannot connect to my printer anymore.”
Support: “What type of repairs were completed?”
Customer: “Plumbing repairs.”

8.Customer: “I am experiencing errors on my computer”
Support: “When did this start occurring?”
Customer: “After I restarted”
Support: “What were you doing on the computer before the errors started?”
Customer: “Nothing”
support: “Then why did you have the computer on?”

9.Customer: “I cannot start my computer.”
Support: “What was the last operation you completed on the computer?”
Customer ” I deleted the Windows folder cause my computer said I was low on disk space and it was the largest.”

10.Customer: “I love my new desktop so much. It’s powerful and fast. I especially like the new cup holder that came with it.
Support: “Ma’am….What are your referring to when you say cup holder?”
Customer: “My desktop came with this neet slide out cup holder.”
Support: “Are you referring to the cd-rom drive?”
At this point the customer simply hung up.

Yes believe it or not these are actual questions and conversations posed by customers. Man I hope people will arm themselves with knowledge so they can better voice there technical questions.

Ever contacted your OEM computer support only to find out that you can’t understand the person on the other end?

This is a very frustrating experience. I understand it’s more profitable for OEM manufacturers to roll support over to another region. This practice is more profitable due to the following reasons.

1.       The OEM manufacturer does not have to pay the usual 10% increase in pay to local technicians for working the evening shifts.

2.       Payroll costs associated with overseas personnel is much less.

 It’s very annoying to try speaking to someone with little English speaking abilities as well as an accent. If you have not had this wonderful experience yet then you should consider yourself lucky. My last experience in communicating with these facilities was so trying I simply hung up the phone and decided to purchase a support agreement from my local certified support technician. Yes even though I had free support provided by the computer manufacturer.

At least in my opinion it was well worth the extra money to not have to deal with that situation again. It’s bad enough that most people in this level of support simply read from a document of directions and ignore your input. They offer simple well known fixes that generally have no effect on the issue. Add an accent and remove the ability to annunciate English properly and well…….There you have it: Enough said.

You might want to consider on your next purchase not purchasing an extended service plan and instead locate your local OEM certified technician and see what they offer as far as support options. Most support technicians even offer onsite support…..WAHOO! Just insure the local technician is certified by the manufacturer for which ever manufactured model you wish to purchase. I can guarantee that you won’t have as many headaches and you won’t have to learn a new language to alleviate your computing problems.

With everything you have to stay on top of to maintain computer performance and security here is one more. Anytime you update system software or third party software it can impact how your hardware performs.To maintain peak performance you as well needto update your hardware drivers. This is necessary due to changes made in either system or third party software.

Microsoft and other software vendors design their software to work in specific conditions. These conditions are set by the latest hardware available and how it relates to software functionality.When you update these types of software your hardware may not work optimally or you may experience a failure of the device or software.

Just as you update Windows or any other software you should maintain the latest version of your device drivers. Here is the easiest way to keep drivers updated. If you own an OEM computer such as a Dell, Gateway, HP, Compaq or Toshiba you should visit their support pages to obtain the latest version of software and drivers for the devices installed on your computer. These updates will be listed by published date. Be sure to follow any specific installation
instructions provided by the manufacturer.

If you do not own an OEM machine or if it was built by your local computer store then review your hardware documentation. Your receipt should list the installed components. Once you have the list of devices you can search each manufacturers website for the drivers and software individually. Be sure to follow any recommendations or directions
provided by any hardware or software manufacturer when updating device drivers.

Updates to device drivers are not published as frequently as other software updates so you should check periodically for updates. Manufacturers usually publish driver updates every few months as a general schedule.

Just yesterday I was approached by a neighbor who had a laptop that claimed it was not functioning properly. I enquired as to what the problem may be, and he stated it was extremely slow on the Internet.

Once I examined the laptop I noticed he was using a 56k modem to connect to the internet. So of course the first thing out of my mouth is “what’s the issue with it?”. He stated he was only getting about a 10k download speed (This is where I slightly chuckled).

At this point I tried to explain to him that he was very lucky to be receiving such speeds on a 56k connection, and that just because it says 56k it does not mean that is the speed you will experience. After a long conversation about communication in and out and how it relates to your overall connection speed I inquired as to why he had not looked at broadband.

I mean really here it is 2007 and with all the ways to obtain a broadband connection surely he couldn’t dismiss this as an option. He stated he needed a connection that would work at his lake house. I simply asked how he received TV channels at this location and he stated satellite. Ok not the best type of broadband to use, but it’s an option.

Next I asked if he had a cell carrier he used. He replied with the carriers name and I asked if he had contacted them to inquire about a gsm pcmcia card. Now that I had peaked his interest the conversation started to move towards a productive direction.

I explained that with todays technology if you have a cell carrier you can have unlimited access any where you can obtain a cell signal and the cost will vary from 29.99 to 59.99 per month. He was extremely delighted to say the least.

So after a ten minute conversation with his cell carrier they were shipping him a connection card and would simply add the charges to his next bill. Now isn’t that awesome? (I asked). Another satisfied customer.

Is it just that people dont know about this technology? Are the hundreds of broadband commercials not getting through to people?

I understand that you can get a 56k connection much cheaper than a broadband connection, but if you spend time at a location or as I like to call them “my working vacations” I want to get my work done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

I hope anyone who reads this article (if using 56k connections) will at least take the time to inquire about broadband from their carriers. Remember if you use cable there is cable modem. If you use satellite they can provide broadband. If you have a cell phone your carrier can provide options for broadband. I think that covers it. The only remaining excuse is cost, but as time goes by this technology becomes cheaper and cheaper. Why not try it? I’m sure you will be happy with the service.

It seems when people are converting to Windows media Player 11 they are experiencing many issues. These issues range from not playing content at all to not being able to utilize memory card storage functions.

One way to insure you do not experience errors is to read the “Before installing Windows media player 11″ document posted by Microsoft. I know….who needs directions right?

These directions are created to lessen the chances of major issues from installation as well as to help you back up your media files and information. I am including the link to this article. If you are considering upgrading it’s wise to read this document. As well you may want to read some forums information on issues being experienced when using Windows media player 11. This will help you identify issues if you experience any after upgrading.

Windows Media Player 11 before installing read this

To help arm yourself and prepare for any issues you might experience I am including a link to the Windows media player knowledge base. This link includes known issues as well as trouble shooting guides. If you experience any issues after upgrading to media player 11 be sure to visit this link.

Microsoft knowledge base Media Player 11
http://support.microsoft.com/ph/11372

One thing to consider for any Microsoft product is signing up for the RSS feeds. This can be done through Outlook or Internet Explorer 7. Signing up for the various feeds will give you instant access to all new issues encountered as well as how to address the errors.

I know we all hate having to read directions, but it’s in our best interest. You can get a membership to the Bug Doctor for help with Windows medial player problems. They will help you fix any computer problems you have with free computer tech support if you have an active Bug Doctor membership. Try it now

Over time the “registry” in which Windows and other applications store information can begin to hold data that is no longer valid. Such information links to a location where there was a file or program, but the file has been moved or the program uninstalled.

Often such invalid links occur because uninstalled programs do not completely remove their registry entries. Whether the uninstall process fails or the uninstaller does not correctly remove all the entries. This can occur due to programs not being correctly uninstalled by the user or a user views a file attached to an email without saving them to disk first, or applications have been relocated without uninstalling and reinstalling them. A registry cleaner utility can come in handy to make this easy.

This invalid data eventually begins to clutter the system registry, slowing Windows down and causing other possible problems.

The Windows registry is simply a database which contains information on the Windows operating system and third party applications. This information is read at start up and includes system variables which tell Windows exactly how to operate. If this information is corrupted you will notice performance issues and can experience system error messages such as but not limited to runtime, script and start up errors.

It is recommended to perform routine maintenance to the Windows registry to maintain optimal performance. There are many products which can aid in the maintenance of the Windows registry. These utilities will aid in grooming the registry. This can be particularly helpful if you are not a certified technician. Even Microsoft states when editing the registry that making an error while editing it can disable your Windows operating system. Running such programs at least twice a month is recommended. If you routinely make changes to your system a more frequent schedule is recommended.

There are several registry cleaners on the market but only one that guarantees their software will fix your computer problems or their tech support will as long as your membership is valid. The Bug Doctor will easily fix all kinds of computer problems.

I do recommended reviewing any Microsoft documentation on the Windows registry for your particular operating system version if you plan to manually edit any entries. These articles can be informative and give a better understanding of how the registry works. For information on your particular version of Windows please visit the Microsoft knowledge base at www.microsoft.com

Having worked in support for sometime I am amazed at the number of old 486 an first generation Pentium class computers still being used. Most people simply upgrade to new hardware. It is beyond me why people still use this old obsolete hardware.

Considering all of this I have compiled a list of the top ten ways this old hardware can be used.

10. Stack the cpus up to be used as a coffee table.

9. The old hardware is wonderfully suitable for taking space in your garage.

8. Donate the old hardware to a museum.

7. This hardware is great for occupying your local computer shops time by asking how it can be upgraded.

6. The CPU’s are great for holding projects down on a work bench.

5. Use a baseball bat on the old hardware to take out your frustrations with your new computer.

4. If you have a dog that diggs holes they are great as filler when covering the holes.

3. They are great conversation pieces for discussing the old days of computer hardware.

2. Several of them together can make a cool fort for the kids in their room.

Finally the last one, drum roll please!

1. Use your old 486 or Pentium class as a replacement boat anchor.

Just remember this old hardware is not upgradeable to current software standards. Don’t trouble yourself with figuring out how you can maintain these older components.

The list below describes the top ten ways you can speed up your computer through either general maintenance or hardware upgrades. I tried to list some things other than just the obvious ones most places always list. Now there are of course many more.

10. Check your initial hardware for possible memory, CPU, or hard drive upgrades.

9. Insure your paging files is set to one and a half times the size of the amount of ram installed. If you are using 2 gig or more of ram memory simply turn off the paging file. (To review your paging file right click my computer and choose properties -then choose the advanced tab - Then select the performance settings-slect the advanced tab and modify the virtual memory file size)

8. Run monthly system maintenance such as disk cleanup, disk check, or disk defrag.

7. Clean out your temporary internet files and cookies. (To do this open Internet Explorer and choose the tools menu- Select options- on the main page you can emty the temp files and delete the cookies.)

6. Empty the c:\windows\prefetch folder.

5. Scan your system weekly for spyware.

4. Delete any unused programs by using the add/remove programs utility.

3. Groom your Windows start up file by using the msconfig utility. (This can be done by going to start\Run and typing msconfig then select ok and choose the start up tab)

2. Update your device drivers. If you are using an OEM computer simply visit the manufacturers website for updated software and drivers. If using a custom built computer you will need to visit the hardware manufacturers support site one device at a time to obtain the latest software.

1. Turn off unnecessary services in the services manager.(To access this control panel go to control panel\administrative tools\services)

This little tid bit should allow you to boost your PC performance somewhat. The major improvements will come with hardware upgrades especially increases in system memory (RAM).

We have an entire free video set dedicated to speeding up your computer. You can watch these absolutely free right here.

Feel free to leave me some of your ideas below in the comments section.

Patrick
PC911

Well Internet explorer 7 has been released for
sometime now. Unfortunately it appears once again
we are beta testers for Microsoft.

Being in the support world myself it seems to me
the biggest issues with Internet Explorer 7 are
installation issues. As with many other web based
installations of Microsoft products there are some
issues that should be addressed. Microsoft should
make this download available in a full admin version
as they did the latest xp service packs. Of course
we know Microsoft seems to follow the beat of a
different drum so to say they will do this is unlikely.

Even if you have installed IE7 and are experience one
of these wonderful issues, it is easy to revert back
to the previous version. Personally when dealing with
any new product I use a non-essential machine to test
with. I would however recommend locating the Microsoft
technical document on uninstalling IE7 for your particular
Windows version and follow those directions to the letter.

Other than installation issues the most prevalent problem
seems to be accessing secure web sites. Once again if you
are experiencing this issue you may want to revert back
to your previous version of IE. At least this will get you
operational until Microsoft addresses these issues.

This is not to say that everyone who is using IE7 is
having issues with the new browser. If you do have it
installed and it is working properly then consider
yourself blessed.

A good general rule with any new software is to allow
a testing period for other users to find the issues.
This is especially true if your computers functionality
is a business or personal necessity. Allowing several
weeks or months for known issues to be reported to
Microsoft and then repaired through a patch or update
will save you may headaches.

Just because its new software doesn’t mean it’s better.
New software is only beneficial if you can use it and
your computer.

Visit the PC911 how to section to learn how to do dozens
of different tasks on your computer. It’s one of our most
popular pages on the entire site.